Thursday, June 03, 2004

RESUME of George J. Tenet

Seeking Position: Career bureaucrat employed in the security field seeks equivalent, highly paid, low profile position in the private sector. Major strengths include selective objectives, disinformation dissemination, misdirection, targeted threat detection and repressed recollection. Available immediately. Personal profile provided below.

Name: George John Tenet
Born: January 5, 1953
Current Position: Director of the Central Intelligence Service

B.S.F.S. from the Georgetown University School of Foreign Service, 1976
M.I.A. from the School of International Affairs at Columbia University, 1978

Job Experience:
Deputy Director of Central Intelligence, July 1995
Acting Director of Central Intelligence, December 1996
Director of Central Intelligence, 11 July 1997
Departing Director of Central Intelligence, July 04

Additional Experience: Most of that I can't talk about

Honors: Did a 'superb job' as current Administration's Director of Central Intelligence. Got a metal of freedom out of it. In previous Administrations acted as Special Assistant to the President and Senior Director for Intelligence Programs at the National Security Council. Coordinated the Presidential Decision Directives on ''Intelligence Priorities,'' ''Security Policy Coordination,'' ''US Policy on Remote Sensing Space Capabilities,'' and "The Slam-Dunkability Factor in 21st Century Policy."

Position Sought: Senior level executive in charge of security in the Fraud and Loss Prevention department of a major retailer

Reason for leaving current position: Unable to slam dunk and three point shooting dismal.

May we contact your current employer: My sources tell me he is out of the country at this time however the information has not yet been confirmed.

List three personal references:
Ahmad Chalabi, former CIA lackey
Robert Novak, journalist and current CIA lackey
"Mr. Blonde," Nonaffiliated operative with no direct link to U.S. intelligence services

Do you have a criminal record? Will neither confirm nor deny.

Hobbies and Interests: Photography, computers and tap dancing.

Likes: Cool, damp evenings alone on deserted piers, London Fogs, and blowguns.

Dislikes: Congressional Committees

Favorite Movie: "Swordfish"
Favorite Book: "Sum of All Fears"

Favorite Cartoon Character(s): Secret Squirrel. Boris Badenoff

Special Skills: Skilled in card and magic tricks, sleights of hand and making people disappear.

Additional Skills: I know where you live.

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