Thursday, May 12, 2005

Spoilers From Revenge of the Sith By A Guy Who Will Never, Ever See The Flick

Anakin becomes Darth Vader after exposure to sulfur fumes and an adverse reaction to his asthma medication.

Chancellor Palpatine is evil but nobody knows it but him.

Amidala gets knocked up with twins but Obi Wan is the real father.

The Jedis remain clueless to the Sith’s corporate take-over threat until it is too late to save their dental plan.

Samuel L. Jackson has fewer lines than Lando Calrissian had 20 years ago but more screentime

To no one’s surprise, C-3-P O reveals he is gay.

Lots of things get blown up.

Yoda’s long standing problems with dyslexia are solely responsible for a series of miscommunications which lead the Jedi to utter destruction.

The Sith plan a chain of Death Star Drive-Ins throughout the galaxy.

R2D2 confesses he is afflicted by Tourette’s Syndrome.

Wookies do shit in the woods.

Count Dooku’s reckless real estate speculation leads to Tatooine’s housing market collapse.

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